Boys Will Be Boys Until…

Author of 5 books, podcaster, parent trainer, husband and father.

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A long time ago, when my first daughter was born, I felt convicted to be an active presence in her life as we raised her. But in the years following I have also had 4 sons and have realized, even more so, the great importance of my involvement in their lives as they grow.

It’s not that I believe that an active role, as a father, in my daughter’s lives is less important, in comparison to raising boys, because it’s not. I don’t think I have to convince anyone of this. A father’s positive role in his daughter’s life has lasting effects and helps to shape her into a healthy, balanced young woman someday. But the same is true for boys.

I was driving with my family last week, when my wife read this quote to me from Facebook-

Boys will be boys until someone teaches them to be more.

We both agreed. My wife, who spent many years serving with an inner city church, saw the devastation first hand, caused by fatherless homes or abusive fathers.

The longer I drove, the deeper I thought about that quote, especially as it relates to my boys. My sons are active, rowdy, adventurous, imaginative, full of life, and always willing to test the limits. It’s in their nature as boys. At times, it seems the ends of their fingers can transform into little razor sharp blades that destroy anything they touch! Don’t quote me on that, but it may be true! 🙂

It also seems like each new day they are growing up…becoming older, wiser, and even more adventurous than the day before. It’s caused me to look at the clock more often. I’m taking note of how fast time moves and how little of it I have. I find myself being convicted, and in-tuned to how critical it is to teach them to be men of integrity, honesty, good character, who each bear solid moral compasses. But, teaching this is not enough. In order to successfully teach, I also have to be.

As the man of the house goes, so goes the son.

It’s a striking truth. As the man of the house goes, so goes the son (or sons). The pressure is on us fathers to model what we hope our sons will grow up to understand. All you have to do is look at the statistics on fatherless households in this country to see the trend:

  • Violence
  • Drug abuse
  • Alcoholism
  • Jail time
  • Pornography addiction
  • Arrest

The list goes on and on. Much of this list is a direct result of the absence of a father-figure, or a father who is uninvolved or distant, violent or abusive. Gentlemen, the way we choose to live our lives, handle ourselves, and lead our families (or not) will play out in our son’s lives. The choices we make as men, will funnel directly into the choices our sons make. If you’re anything like me, this scares you!

We can attempt to teach our sons to be more, but if we are not more ourselves, it’s meaningless. We have to be the very human being we are teaching our sons to be.

What we model as fathers, will be lived out by our sons.

If we put work before our families, there is a great chance our sons will grow up to do the same thing someday. If we mistreat our wives, or our daughters, our sons will grow up with a lower respect of woman, even with their future wives or daughters. It’s so critical that we model integrity, character, respect and sound moral values in front of our sons.

They are watching us, studying us, and taking life cues from us. Do you realize this? There is rarely a day that goes by where I do not glance over to my sons and see them studying me. This is exponentially greater when I am dealing with a conflict or trying to solve a problem. They are watching me to see how I handle tough situations, deal with conflict, or work through stress.

And they are studying the way I treat their mother and their sisters!

Lead for someday.

We need to lead our sons today, in anticipation for tomorrow: the day when they become men, marry a girl, and begin a family. My sons are 6, 7, 8 and 11. They are still children. But it’s critical that I am leading them in a way that shapes their future. That’s the near future and the distant future. When they become teenagers and young adults, I want them to live with character and integrity as well as in the future when they are full-grown men.

I love having sons. If you’re the father of boys, I bet you love it too. But, the pressure is on us. We must be diligent in leading our sons right. Yes, boys will be boys. They will be rowdy and maybe even act out at times. But, they’ll do this only until we teach them to be something more!

Do you have sons? What have you learned as a result?

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Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.