How To Create Permanency For Children Who Have Been Disrupted

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While we all wish that every adoption might lead to a healthy, thriving family, the truth is that the challenges can sometimes be more than a family can handle. What happens when a struggling adoptive family comes to the place of deciding it just isn’t going to work? Adoption dissolution, more commonly referred to as adoption disruption, is a topic that is often avoided and one we haven’t covered before on The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

This week, Mike is interviewing Lori Word, a new friend he met at CAFO this year, to talk about adopting from disruption.  Lori and her husband have been married for 29 years and have spent most of that in full time ministry.  Lori and her husband have adopted 7 children from disruptions and now have a passion for helping to equip adoptive families to find resources to help adopted children stay in their homes and avoid disruption if possible.

Listen Now:

Notes and Quotes:

“With our second son, he had been originally adopted from Ethiopia and when he walked into our house we realized, we are pretty sure he’s not 9…he told us he was 12”

“We were never looking to adopt children who had already been adopted.  We didn’t even know that that ever happened, we just didn’t know much about it. But with our second son, it really launched us into seeing the need.  He had only been adopted and in the United States for a little over a year.”

“There are people who are in great need, everywhere, and children, in particular.”

Second Chance Adoptions told us that people were struggling and needed help and support.

“I vividly remember the counselor asking us how many children we would have and we said zero or 1, and now we have 8!”

“We’ve met the families, and we understand how tough it is.  We know how much trauma it causes the kids and we want to do what we can to help the families.”

Let’s talk honestly about some of the challenges. You have the trauma but then you have the added trauma of adoption disruption. What did you face as you did this?

  • The children wonder “Why? Is it my fault?” We have to help them understand and help them carry that burden.
  • It is heartbreaking to see them miss their first adoptive family, but it is also encouraging to them to come into our home where it has also happened to other children in our home.
  • I have had to change a lot about myself.  It is about them and not about me.  The things they do are not about me, they are about their own hurt and trauma.

How have you achieved permanency in your kids understanding that this is their forever home?

  • We begin to tell them immediately that we are their permanent and forever home.
  • We tell them we love each other, we work through things.  Things are hard and we can get really upset, but we will work through it.
  • We hang up pictures of the new child immediately.
  • We tell them we will love them no matter what.  Bad decisions or good.
  • Even after they push or run, we say “hey, next time what if we…”

“They need to know that this is forever.” – Mike Berry

Any words of hope for those who are feeling hopeless right now?

“I feel that.  This is certainly not easy to do in the moment, but if we can take a deep breath and step back and try to look at that child through God’s eyes…sometimes I have to remind myself, in those hard moments, that they are precious and loved.”

[shareable cite=”Lori Word”]’They are, first and foremost, God’s people who need to be loved and cared for.’ [/shareable]

Resources and Links:

Wasatch International Adoptions: Second Chance Adoptions

[reminder]Gotta question, or a thought after listening to this episode? Leave it in the comment section below this post.[/reminder]

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How To Create Permanency For Children Who Have Been Disrupted

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Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.