Dear Caregiver: You Can Face This!

Mike Berry

Mike Berry

Author of 5 books, podcaster, parent trainer, husband and father.

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The caregiver journey is really, really, REALLY hard. As we've stepped into this brand new year, we are re-realizing how true this is. That's why we want to bring you some encouragement!

I stand on the back porch of my farmhouse in Central Indiana on a January afternoon. Rain patters on the tin room covering above my head. I watch intently as drops trace along the edge of the gutter before plummeting to the sidewalk below.

It’s a gloomy day in the Hoosier state. Typical for this time of year. The rain accentuates the gray skies and barren trees that surround our farm leaving me to feel as though I am looking out into a wasteland that is always going to be just that…a wasteland. That’s where my heart and mind are on this day.

I feel defeated and hopeless. Maybe it’s seasonal depression or perhaps just another hard day walking through trauma behaviors, basement brain blow ups and meltdowns, defiance and disrespect, or a myriad of other big feeling moments we often have in our household.

I wonder how we can even face another day of this. Do we really have the resiliency, the strength, the ability to move forward?

In my questioning and wonderment I pull a tiny oval case from my pocket, flip it open, and insert two tiny earbuds into my ears. I feel that some good ole introspective tunes could compliment the scenery perfectly and maybe, just maybe pull me out of this pit. Plus, the author side of me begs for something to deepen the thoughts I’m having.

I’m not paying attention to the song cued up when I press play. These words begin to play…

‘Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burnedEverything you lose is a step you takeSo make the friendship braceletsTake the moment and taste itYou’ve got no reason to be afraid
You’re on your own, kidYeah, you can face this.

It’s a song from the new Taylor Swift album, Midnights. And yes, I am a Taylor Swift fan (aka- a Swifty). I’ve heard this song several times but this time I pay close attention to the bridge of the song.

Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned, everything you lose is a step you take. Wow! That’s true. As I look back over the past 2 decades of this journey, so many pages have turned and several bridges have burned, and while painful, they’ve helped us become better caregivers…better humans.
You’ve got no reason to be afraid. Hard to accept, but also true. We are being held together, even if the hands holding tight to us are hard to see (or even invisible!)
‘Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burnedEverything you lose is a step you takeSo make the friendship braceletsTake the moment and taste itYou’ve got no reason to be afraid
You’re on your own, kidYeah, you can face this.
(Taylor Swift, You’re On Your Own Kid, 2022)
I keep playing this song over and over again and the more I do, I find a great dose of encouragement. To be quite honest, there are days where I don’t feel encouraged and I don’t feel like I can move forward (like this rainy day I’m in). I often feel like everything is falling apart and it’s not going to get any better than it currently is (anyone else?). Back to that question I posed a moment ago: Can we really face another day of this? Do we have the strength? The resiliency?
But then my eyes open in the early morning of a brand new day and I realize, “I’ve made it. It’s a new day. I survived (and continue to do so)” At the very least, that’s worth celebrating.
Yes, it’s no doubt going to be another hard day. Heck, hard year. But I can face this. I’m strong enough. I have a great capacity within my broken heart to move forward. What I continue to realize is this: Resiliency is not about having all the pieces in place, or circumstances void of really really hard things to deal with. Resiliency is about making the choice to move forward, in spite of hard circumstances.

And so I do. And so do you, dear caregiver. You’ve got no reason to be afraid. You can face this. We can together.

Resiliency is about making the choice to move forward, in spite of hard circumstances.
Mike Berry

Mike Berry

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Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.
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Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.
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Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!
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Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.
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Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.
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Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.
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Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.
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