Author of 4 books, podcaster, parent trainer, wife and mother.

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Three years ago, almost to the day, Kristin and I found out some exciting news. We were going to have a baby. This time, the old-fashioned way. We already had 8 children through adoption, so this was an exciting new journey. Little did we know the pain and agony we were about to face. In early November we miscarried. The following was written by Kristin, a few days after walking through this painful experience.

My husband and I are the proud parents of 8 amazing children all of whom are adopted. God has blessed us so abundantly that often when we have prayed for one child, a sibling group shows up instead. We came to the fabulous number 8 by taking a bumpy, wild but never accidental roller coaster ride.

Recently, we found out that we were pregnant with number 9. Our first pregnancy. What a wonderful and nerve wracking addition to an already colorful family! I worried about the kids. Would they feel displaced by this new baby? I worried about strangers. Would they criticize us for having one more? I worried about our marriage. Would we have enough energy for more sleepless nights? I worried about the bank account. Could it handle more diapers? I worried about the baby. Was each ache and pain normal or the sign of a problem?

With each passing week our fears began to melt away. We heard the baby’s heartbeat. What a beautiful surprise! We waited a few more weeks and then told the kids. They screamed with delight. We told our parents. My mom wept with joy. Friends and neighbors hugged us and congratulated us. After watching an episode of  19 Kids and Counting, we exclaimed, “we have 10 less than they do, we will be just fine!” We followed the doctor’s orders exactly. My eight year old reassured me that he had seen a TV show about birth and that it was nothing to be afraid of. (note to self: set parental locks on television).

I cautiously began to anticipate our new future. My husband and I began to make plans, discuss names, mentally rearrange bedrooms. Each day that passed felt more real. This was really going to happen to us. I was going to have a child. This child began to feel like a precious gift. A son or daughter for my husband. A grandchild for our parents. A playmate for our children. We were not going to have to ask a caseworker, a guardian, or a judge sign off on anything. We would sign the birth certificate. We would choose a name. This realization left me feeling empowered. I would create a safe environment for my child. I would avoid alcohol, drugs, lunch meat and diet soda. He or she would never feel abandoned. I would give this baby security, safety, and folic acid.

At exactly 10 weeks I woke up and knew something was wrong. With a wrinkled brow, I kissed my husband and kids goodbye as they left for the day. I pretended I felt fine, sure I was just overreacting. That’s when I discovered I was bleeding. I began to cry and plead with God not to let this happen. I called the doctor immediately and got right in. Never a good sign. I dropped my sons at the neighbor’s house and raced to the office. The Dr. reassured me that this type of thing happens all the time. I started to relax. He pulled the ultrasound picture up on the screen. I could tell before he said a word. There was no heartbeat. I was looking at a picture of my dead baby.

The doctor was sympathetic and comforting. All I wanted to do was run. I felt angry and scared. I immediately began to dread breaking the news to my husband and my precious children.

The next day I went in for the D&C. I clutched my stomach wishing I could change the circumstance of my lifeless baby. I just wanted to protect my little child. All I had wanted to do was make things right. I just wanted one chance to do the things that weren’t done for my children. As if by protecting this little one I would be able to make up for the times my older children weren’t protected. Instead, here I was waiting for the doctor. Waiting for him to take my baby away. I felt like such a failure. For years I have been surrounded by women who carelessly bring healthy children into the world. I tried so hard but still I failed. I let down my husband, my mom, my children. Everyone around me was so disappointed and sad. Especially me.

The hospital was amazing. The nurse was so kind and compassionate. She explained that they don’t throw the babies out. They take them to a cemetery. We can even go visit a memorial to unborn infants there. They referred to us as “mom” and “dad” the whole time. They brought peace by validating our loss.

The surgery hurt some but mostly my heart hurts. Everywhere I look, I’m surrounded by pregnant women, newborn babies and really cute baby clothes. I am surprised by the sadness I feel. I feel like I shouldn’t be this sad when those around me have so much less than I do. I open my eyes and see the overwhelming blessing that is my family…Still, I am caught off guard by waves of loneliness.

I don’t yet have a word of wisdom on why this happened. I am still in the midst of persistent sadness. I can say one thing though. My eyes have been opened to the thoughtful servanthood of those around me. My mom jumped in the car to take care of us the minute I told her. My sister, brothers and Dad called constantly to check on me (Josh called three times a day). My friends and neighbors brought meals and words of encouragement. One family drove over 30 minutes to drop off flowers and chocolate on our front door step. My husband’s co-workers have treated him with kindness, understanding and patience. There are people who love us so much, they have grieved with me even though I haven’t answered the door in 4 days.

I am overwhelmed by those willing to feel sadness over the loss of a little person none of us have ever even met. I owe a debt of gratitude for those who have brought meals, hugs and kind words to our family this week. I am especially humbled by those who have comforted my children. I don’t know why this happened but I know this, I will be a better friend, sister, mother and daughter because I have learned from those who love me.
you faced life’s disappointments?

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Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.