Do Your Children Really Know You Love Them?

Author of 5 books, podcaster, parent trainer, husband and father.

Share This Post

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on reddit
Share on email
In a world that is noisy, fast-paced, and often all-consuming, it's easy for us to forget that our children need our love on a daily basis. But if we want to be sure they know we love them we must answer some big questions.

It was a gusty day and my mind was on catching a flight to Kansas City, as I drove through our crowded city streets. My daughters had to be dropped off at school because their Social Studies projects would surely fall apart if taken on the bus.

We were on time but I was impatient. Traffic was backing up and I was stressed, worried about flight delays or backups at the airport. As my mind jumped back and forth, I suddenly realized my girls were both talking….to me. They were telling me about their classes, their annoyances with some of the boys in the cafeteria, the grades they hoped to get on their projects, and more. But I wasn’t listening. My mind had drifted far from the here and now.

I was preoccupied to such a degree that I was missing the most important conversation of all: One with my beautiful daughters. Before I knew it, we were in front of their school. I helped them lift their projects out of the car and secure them safely in the swift wind. Before I pulled away I told them, “I love you both. Have a good day. I’ll see you when I get home on Saturday.” They smiled and disappeared into the school.

And so it went. On with my day…on with my flight out of town. But as I drove toward the airport, the thought suddenly crossed my mind- “Do they really know I love them?” Sure I tell them. And for the most part, I show them. But do they know in the depths of their heart that their dad loves them? Is it black and white? Or, is there gray? Is there uncertainty? Maybe my rushed schedule leaves them wondering? Maybe my constant pre-occupation with work and travel causes them to wonder.

Some may say I’m over-reacting, even beating myself up too much. “Kids are resilient!” they’d say. “They know you’re busy. And they know in their hearts that you love them!” But do they? Am I really satisfied with that? Is this really good enough? I’m not sure it is.

So, I’ve decided something when it comes to my love for my children. Three big questions started bouncing around in my mind that day, as I drove toward the airport. It was the gut-check I needed. I decided that I had to answer them not once, but every day of my life, if I wanted to be certain my children knew how deep my love for them really is…

Have I Told Them?

I’ve been given some great gifts- A voice. A heart. Words.

Do I use these precious gifts to tell my children how much they mean to me, how much I love them? Do they hear it from me every day. Love is saying “I love you,” but it’s also saying, “I believe in you,” “I’m proud of you,” “You are awesome!”

Am I paying attention enough to the things my children are proud of, to be proud of them too? When my daughter raises her grade in science and she’s happy, am I happy? Do I tell her how proud I am of her? Before they lay their heads down at night for sleep, have they heard me say how much I love them? Are they the last words they hear as they drift off into a land of dreams?

My voice, my heart, and my words must be megaphones that project love to my children. But this is only the beginning. I have to answer a greater question next…

Have I Shown Them?

We live in a world where words are cheap. Turn on your television set, listen to your radio, or even listen to people on the street- words are tossed around like leafs in the wind. We over use words, especially the word “Love.” We make a mistake, we say we’re sorry and we’ll never do that again. But will we? Do we really mean that? Or, are we word-smithing our way out of a situation that we’re bound to find ourselves in again down the road?

Our children are clued in. Yes, we need to tell our children that we love them, but in order to keep those words from growing cheap, or losing their luster, we must show love in our actions. Love must not only spill from our lips, but also radiate from our whole being.

The way our loved ones, particularly our children, believe that we love them is when our words are backed up by actions. And that even applies to our mistakes. When we screw up, disappoint our children, and work to make it right, we cannot rest on our promises to “do better next time” alone. We must show this to our children. We must show the change within us, not only with our words, but also our actions.

Am I Living It?

Does my whole life reflect the love that’s in me, and do my children see this? It shows up in the way I treat a grocery store clerk, or the person who cuts me off on the highway. My children are filing all of that away in an exhaustive filing cabinet in their mind.

My life must be loving at home, at work, in public, with my wife, with my children, with friends, extended family, and even strangers. Why? It’s simple, really. The way I live love, is the way my children will live love, now, and in the future.

Maybe you’ve struggled with this lately like I have? Maybe you’re unsure if your children know how much you love them? Maybe you’ve even carried around some guilt because of your fast-paced scheduled. While I do believe kids are resilient, I also know they are fragile. They’re easily broken. But they are fixed, often, by our words and actions. They are also very forgiving.

That’s good news for you and me. We can make things right starting today. So, what are you waiting for?

How are you showing your children you love them everyday?

Share This Post

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on reddit
Share on email
Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.