Erasing Fear in Parenting

Author of 5 books, podcaster, parent trainer, husband and father.

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May I confess something right here on the spot?

I’m terrified.

Not like, “I just watched one of those teen slasher films with bad acting and cheesy plot lines,” kind of terrified- (I never watch those anyways). I’m talking about pure, unadulterated fear. The kind that keeps you awake at night worrying, or disrupts any positive movement you may have as a parent. The kind that keeps you sidelined and always wishing you would have gotten into the game of life with your kids!

Here’s what I fear the most:

I fear failing my kids. I fear waking up one day and discovering that even when I thought I “got” them or was deeply connected to their hearts, I wasn’t. I fear making other things, like career, hobbies, or my own interests more important and not having the insight to recognize that it distanced me from them. I fear being old and never hearing from them because our relationship was full of strain when they were growing up and now they’re on their own, no longer in need of me. I fear not rooting for them enough or missing those moments to support their dreams and ambitions. I fear them looking to other things to satisfy their need for affection or approval.

Yep, I have fear alright. How about you? Do you wrestle with fear on this journey we call parenthood? I bet you do.

Here are 3 things I’ve learned (and have to re-learn all the time) when it comes to fear-

1. If I look at it the right way, fearing things keeps me dialed in!

The fact that I know my fears and I wrestle with them daily, helps me (for the most part) to stay on a right path when it comes to my relationship with my wife and children. Fear has a way of doing that. It’s interesting that one of the greatest things human beings struggle with can also be the biggest ally in their growth. When I turn fear into a positive thing such as, “Because I fear not being connected to my children, I will do everything in my power to stay connected to my children,” I win!

2. Fear makes it easy to give up!

Fear wins when I give in and say, “This is the best it’s going to be.” When I choose to stay disconnected and allow fear to keep me from facing something my daughter is struggling with, or a worry my son has, or a parenting challenge I’m in the middle of, I lose and fear wins. As a Christian, I believe there’s an adversary who loves to grip us parents with fear. That happens to me all the time.

3. I really have nothing to fear!

It’s true. When I really think about it, I am a good dad. And I bet when you really spend time to think about it, you’re a good mom or a good dad too! Have you ever told yourself that? You, like I, have spent far too long worrying about, or fearing, the little things. And maybe the big things too. But the point is, we can get so blinded by our fears as parents. We forget that these precious human beings that God has so graciously blessed us with are filled with grace themselves and they love us and need us to guide them.

Question: How has fear dictated or directed your belief about yourself, your parenting, or your relationship with your family? Comment now and join the conversation!

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Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.