It was one of those long days, yesterday, where you’re doing a million things but not really getting anything done. Ever had a day like that? No margin, no time to take a breath, just running, and running, and running. By the time I finally made it home last night with my teenagers, around 6pm, I was completely exhausted. So exhausted, in fact, that I had been thinking about my bed, and the the 3-inch memory foam on it, since I had crawled out of it at 5am early that morning!
But my exhaustion melted when I walked through the door. “Hi daddy,” I heard my son say from the other side of the kitchen. Then I was blind-sided by my youngest son, who came running full-speed from the other room, to jump into my arms. A little while later, Kristin and I sat on the sofa with our 16-year old daughter, talking about the day, and giggling about the crazy, weird, and “shocking” stuff that happened at her school. That’s when the thought hit me, “My goodness…this life is just…beautiful!”
It was one of those rare moments when a surge of energy filled my body and I was suddenly wide awake…at 10pm….way past my bedtime! I watched my beautiful girl kiss her mother on the head as she trotted upstairs for bed.
Now I know what you’re thinking…. “too good to be true.” Or, “Gosh, wish I felt like that ever about my journey!” Perhaps you’re about to zone out and go back to mindlessly scrolling through Facebook or Instagram because you feel like you can’t relate. Hang in there with me for a minute. Here’s why…
I’m telling you that our life is beautiful, yes. Because it is! But it’s also been really, reeeeeeally hard over the past few years. Our children struggle with things from their past that are out of their control and we struggle to parent them in exactly the way they need us to.
We’ve had to wrestle away the guilty feelings that our children’s struggles were our fault, or that we were failures as parents.
We’ve cried enough tears over our children to fill an ocean.
We’ve taken our children’s struggle to trust us personally.
We’ve almost given up on the idea of ever finding any hope.
And all of this has been within the past 5 years. Heck, even the past few weeks, if I’m honest!
Yet, I tell you, with all of my heart….in-spite of all of this, this life is beautiful. So, incredibly, vibrantly beautiful!
Because true love is always worth it!
So why are we honest about the hardships of adoption and foster care? Because the hard things are the things worth doing. Parenting is always hard, but when we recognize the difficulty we can plan and prepare to face the hard things with confidence.
So yes, it’s been a hard road at times. Yes, it’s been exhausting. Yes, we’ve struggled. But no, we wouldn’t trade any of it. The beautiful and hard moments combined have made us better people and parents. And yes, this journey is worth it. And it’s filled with beauty.
Last night, as I tucked my sons into bed, and was closing their drapes, I peered out of their window to see a gorgeous sunset. We haven’t seen the sun for days. It’s been raining here for the past week. But I realized that even with the clouds and rain, the sun has been there the entire time. The beauty of it was momentarily covered by clouds and storms. But it never left. And consider this truth: No storm lasts forever.
Where have you discovered beauty on the adoption or foster journey?