To The Parent Who Is Struggling…I See You!

Share This Post

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on reddit
Share on email
This post is written by an adoptive dad who writes with such honesty and hope, we know you will appreciate this as much as we do! It's easy to feel overwhelmed and isolated on the parenting journey. Especially when your children are struggling and you feel you don't know how to help. But there is hope in the midst of the struggle...

I remember the first time I felt that isolating feeling. You know the one I’m talking about, right? As if you’re standing in the middle of a crowded room, surrounded by people who are talking, laughing, hugging, and joking, but you feel unseen. You wonder if you screamed at the top of your lungs, or began throwing a massive temper tantrum in the middle of the crowd, if anyone would stop and take notice?

Yeah, that feeling.

I happened to be in an upscale suburban church on Easter Sunday when the feeling first sank it’s claws into my soul. I was a foster parent at the time and the child I was caring for, suddenly melted down and began to throw an enormous tantrum in the middle of the lobby on the busiest Sunday of the year. People gawked, people slowly scooted away. Others scurried their children along for fear of “getting some of the tantrum all over their color-coordinated Sunday outfits!” After all, the church had set up a special Easter At [insert church name] photo booth for the entire family to take a picture.

We weren’t heading that way anytime soon.

I stood in the lobby trying to reason, trying to stop her tantrum, and trying to look normal, but to no avail. And then the isolating feeling set in. “I’m all alone,” I thought, with the sound of a thud in my mind. “We’re on an island and no one is coming for us!”

All I got was half-hearted, half smiles from folks looking on in disbelief that I would allow this child to disrupt Easter! (Insert a mixture of eye roll and desperation here)

Have you ever been there? Ever felt like this? Have you ever felt like your back is against the wall. You’re fighting with your child, when you intended to fight for them! Some days, you can’t tell the difference. You’ve struggled to make sense of the meltdowns, the behaviors, the insults, the blow ups, the constant pushing you away!

Yeah, I get you. Because I AM you. And here’s what I want you to know, dear struggling one….

I See You. 

I see the aching in your heart. I see your tears. I see how desperately and deeply you love your children. I also see how defeated you feel. I know how lost you feel. I fully understand the ultra fine line between needing support and needing to hide away. I see and know the fear you feel. You’re afraid of being honest about your struggles with your children. You’re afraid of judgement and criticism. You’re afraid those that will come out of the woodwork and attack you or worse, attack your child.

I see you. And I want you to know, you’re NOT alone.

Your Child is Speaking from a Place of Trauma

This may be hard for you to believe, but try and remember that your child’s words  often come from their trauma history, and their trauma history often controls their present behavior. They don’t mean to push you away, or reject you. They don’t mean to constantly fight against you, but they’re in survival mode A LOT!

Our children need us to keep showing up and believing in them. They need us to dust ourselves off, shift our perspective and try again.

So, take a moment today to pause and remember this,

I see you…I know you…I’m cheering for you. Today, remember that you’re not alone. Remember that what you are doing is good. You are strong enough to weather this storm and be the soft place to land that your child needs. And you are a good mama….you are a good daddy!

Share This Post

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on reddit
Share on email
Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.