You Were Right!

Author of 4 books, podcaster, parent trainer, wife and mother.

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They're not easy words to speak. In fact, they hurt at times. However, they're extremely healthy for our well-being, and the very words our marriage and our children may need to hear!

Ugh! Even as I type those words I taste their bitterness! I guess you could say I have a little trouble admitting when I’m wrong. I’ve always been a bit stubborn. (Insert the sigh of my mother right here.) That stubbornness has served me well in so many areas of life.

As a kid, peer pressure was not much of an issue. Just try to force me to do something, the claws will come out. Now that I’m a parent, try to harm one of my children and you’ll see the momma bear fangs glisten. As an advocate for children with special needs, I will not give up until we have a solution! As a wife…this is where it gets a bit tricky. I’ll admit, I’m a bit of a “right-fighter.” Fighting to get the last word in at the expense of the man I love, just isn’t all that satisfying.

It all started with a bit of a tantrum on my part. I was about to sit down to write the next blog post when I paused to use the bathroom. Of course I unknowingly sat in the most recent shower of urine. (Sorry for the details…life with boys.) I cleaned that up and took a deep breath. I congratulated myself for staying calm. As I opened the bathroom door, the knob fell off. Typical. I put it back on and refused to lose focus on the task at hand. Stepping into the kitchen, I sat down at my desk to find that mornings’ unfinished cheerios encrusted beneath my feet. I felt my blood pressure rising. I scraped up that mess just as my little ones burst through the door from the bus stop. I paused again to fix them a snack. My six year old was not satisfied. He wanted a banana.

I showed him that there were no bananas left and discovered the fruit-fly infestation on the corpse of a half-eaten apple. Lovely. I began disinfecting the entire counter. You truly cannot be too safe or too clean. I glanced at my computer and the unfinished work. Guilt started setting in as the timer went off to indicate that dinner was almost done. I quickly pulled it out of the oven, neglecting to use my oven mitts. Yelping, I ran my burned finger under a stream of cool wanter. My six year old, still whining about the lack of bananas, was now sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor. I tripped over his little legs and admitted defeat. I sat with him, and cried. Frustration turned to anger, “What the heck is wrong with everyone!” I was feeling pretty justified in my emotions as my children scurried to the other room.

That’s when my husband came in and got the brunt of my frustration. In typical fashion, I argued with him about how everything was going wrong and no one was helping. I was angry and hurt that the messy, discouraging jobs seemed to always fall into my lap. He listened and then told me the truth. “You don’t create margin. You don’t give yourself any time away.” I opened my mouth to protest and then just let it hang. He was right. I wasn’t giving myself time to do anything. I was striving to make everything perfect, in doing so I was actually hurting those around me. I was so desperate to have a calm, neat, well run family that I was actually creating chaos.

I’d love to say I acted like a grown-up in that moment, but I didn’t exactly. I closed my mouth and got up off the floor. I straightened the rest of the kitchen and finished dinner. I apologized to the kids for yelling. I spend the rest of the night thinking about what my husband said. The next morning I packed my computer and started toward the door to take my little ones to school and head to my favorite coffee shop. My husband asked me if I was going somewhere.

“Yes.” I whispered, “You were right.”
He replied, “What did you say?”
“You were right.”
“Say it one more time.”
I noticed the gleam in his eye and gave him the gift every stubborn person hates to give, “You. Were. Right.”
Thankfully the words didn’t choke me on the way out, in fact they felt pretty good.

I’m learning to take my husband’s advice. It’s slow going for a stubborn, perfectionist like me. I understand that I have to give myself and those around me a break. I have to get away and trust that things will be fine. If I wait for everything to be perfect I will never be productive. In fact, when I do allow myself a moment of peace, I’m not only more constructive, I’m also able to be present in the relationships that mean the most to me. What are some ways you create margin?

Have you admitted this lately?

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Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.