3 Things You Need To Know About Throwing Your Hands Up.

Author of 5 books, podcaster, parent trainer, husband and father.

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No, I'm not talking about a hip hop song where they tell you to "throw your hands up!" I'm talking about the moment of defeat. The moment when you want to quit...on parenting, chores, paying bills, cooking dinner, doing laundry, dealing with your teenager's attitude....you know... life!

You’re not the only one.

There are others with a child who is totally out of control!

Someone else has experienced unimaginable loss and is struggling to face each day.

There’s another parent in your neighborhood trying to understand why their kid makes the crappy choices they hoped and prayed they wouldn’t make.

Just a few miles away an adoptive parent is struggling to find the affection and the heart they once had when they first decided to set out on this journey.

And I guarantee you there’s a parent feeling pretty hopeless as they deal with their child’s all-consuming special need.

When we get to this point of complete parental desperation and we just want to throw our hands up, collapse to the floor, lie in a puddle of our own sorrow, and quit on everything, there are 3 things we need to know:


Truth: you and I are not alone. Did you hear me? YOU are NOT alone! Look in the mirror and say that to yourself for a few minutes. Heck, if it helps, look in the mirror and say “Mike and Kristin are dealing with the same struggles that I am and they want to throw their hands up and quit just like I do!”

Every day tons of parents, just like you and me, feel like giving up. I know this doesn’t provide any solution to feeling this way, but at least you know you’re not alone. And that’s healing!


Providing you’re not to the point that your bag is packed and you’re reading this at a stoplight on the way out of town, you can actually grow tremendously from moments like these.

I know because I’ve grown from them. And I’m willing to bet that if I shared some of my “give-up” moments you’d start to feel better about yours. Here’s the deal with growth opportunities- you don’t really feel positive, in the midst of your struggle, that you could ever grow from this.

It’s true. You rarely see opportunity when you’re smack dab in the middle of a tough life moment. When your son with severe behavior issues continues to embarrass you in public, or your daughter keeps chasing after the same abusive boyfriend, or your 5 year old argues everything single thing you say, or your daughter is failing every class, it’s hard to see the light. Sometimes the darkest night prevents the light from showing up for a long time.

Most of my personal growth as a parent has come after the fact. After I’ve had some time to process what I’ve walked through. Long after the dust has settled. That’s what you need to wait for.


If you follow this blog regularly you’ve heard me say this a lot. There’s a reason for that. I believe this. In fact, I’m passionate about sharing this message with parents worldwide. I want all parents, in all situations, from all backgrounds, in any stage of parenting, dealing with any issue, from every corner of the world to know there’s hope! If nothing else, find hope in knowing other parents (like me) limp through life, at times, just like you.

When you throw your hands up (and you will), don’t beat yourself up. I know it’s hard not to, but don’t look at yourself like you’re a failure. Don’t be too hard on yourself for sometimes not wanting to be around your kid or your spouse for a while. That’s kinda normal.

Remember- we’re in this together, and we’ve all felt that way before.

Feel like giving up? Share your story with us.

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Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.