5 Ways To Honor Your Wife

Author of 5 books, podcaster, parent trainer, husband and father.

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Recently I was preparing for a wedding I was in charge of officiating when one of the lines in the script jumped off the page- "Will you honor her?"

Most of us men, if asked on the spot, probably couldn’t repeat our entire vows verbatim, especially if we’ve been married for a long time. We may be able to repeat some of them, or borrow a few from some recent weddings we’ve attended, but the entire vow? Probably not.

That’s normal. I can remember the last words I said in mine- “As God is my witness, I give you my promise.” That statement will forever be etched in my brain. I did give her my promise on that warm afternoon, 15 years ago, and I will never go back on it.

As I stood with the couple this past weekend, the line that really hit me was, “Will you honor her?” That’s a biggie. And, much like the rest of the vows, it’s one that tends to get lost as the years pass, storms arise, or trials come about.

Big question, though, husbands- will you honor her? I’ve got 3 fingers pointing back at me as I ask this of you. If you find yourself hanging your head because you’ve lost sight, or trying to figure out how in the world you do this, don’t worry- you’re not alone! We husbands row in the same boat quite often. Out of my continual growth process in marriage, here’s what I’m learning:

Serve her.

I think honor begins with servanthood. In another post, Sex Starts In The Morning, I talked about the power of servanthood in a marriage. I believe in this big time. If you want success in your marriage, choose to put your wife’s needs above your own, always! Choose to serve her. Nothing spells “honor” greater than servanthood.

Listen to her.

Guys, lets be honest- we have a listening problem…most of the time. Factor in a game on TV, or our ultra-distracting iPhones, and we go completely dark. Our wives want to be heard. They want to know we are listening to them. Most of us have spent all day working amongst other adults, and perhaps our wives have too. But if your bride stays at home with your children, she has not had the same interaction with adults as you have.

Put down the phone, turn off the TV, and listen.

Engage with her.

You and I can listen, and still not be engaged. Did you know this? There’s a difference. I can hear my wife’s words and still remain uninvolved or disconnected. It’s an ongoing struggle for me.

Engagement is participation in the conversation. Nodding and saying “uh-huh,” doesn’t cut it. This is not true interaction fellas! I can call you out on this one because I’ve been guilty far too often of doing the same thing. Try this: along with your “uh-huhs” and nods, repeat what she’s saying to you so she knows she is being understood.

Stand with her.

Chances are, one of the reasons she married you was because she knew you would fight for her, and stand with her, through life’s biggest battles. That whole “knight in shining armor” thing? It’s real! She needs that. She needs a soldier who will fight for her honor and stand next to her when she’s down for the count.

Love her publicly.

I’m not talking about extreme displays of affection, like you see sometimes in the mall or at a park. None of us really want to see that. What I’m talking about is a genuine display of the love you have for her. Hold her hand when you walk together. Make sure your children see you hug and kiss her all the time. Make sure they know that she is forever your bride and forever your love.

This will affect how they love their future spouses. Your daughters will seek out a husband based on what they saw in you (Yikes, pressures on!). If you have sons, you can bet they will grow up to respect, love, cherish and honor their wives if they saw that in you. Vise versa, they will treat their wives with disrespect and dishonor if that’s the example they had.

It’s a big question- “Will you honor her?” Sometimes, life gets in the way and we lose sight. Thankfully, we can get back on course. I’ve found these 5 ways to be a great starting point. They’ve helped me tremendously. How about you?

Husbands, what else would you add to this list? Share with us.

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Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.