How To Find Therapy For The Caregiver

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This post is written by adoptive mom, Kristin. The children we care for may need to spend time every week seeing a therapist to help them process their trauma history. This is a good thing. However, it begs the question...what about you? The caregiver? What if you need therapy to? How do you find this?

I believe deeply in the importance of therapy for children who have experienced trauma. My children have had some of the most amazing counselors over the years who have gone out of their way to support not only my children but my entire family.

Years into my journey as a foster and adoptive parent, one of my children’s therapists asked me if I was seeing anyone. I was shocked at first. “Oh, I’ve never experienced anything like what my children have!” My child’s counselor responded with patience, “You are experiencing their trauma alongside of them each day, it’s a good idea to find someone to talk to.”

I realized I had a lot to think about. It was time to change my own perspective about therapy.

I chose a counselor at the same office but it was not a good fit. I got discouraged and quit. A few years later, I faced a crisis of my own and realized my stubbornness about caring for myself was hurting me and everyone in my family. I tried again to find someone to talk to. I asked around and got a few recommendations.

Then I made phone calls first to interview the therapists in my area. I asked questions about their familiarity with adoption, foster care and childhood trauma. I finally found someone who felt like a match over the phone. I was still nervous when we met in person. Two years later, I still see the same counselor. I look forward to meeting with her every other week and I know that I have a safe place to talk about anything. I now encourage every foster and adoptive parent I know to seek counseling.

If you are considering finding a therapist for yourself, here are a few things you should do.

  1. Pat yourself on the back. This is a really important step. Taking care of yourself is never selfish.
  2. Gather references. Ask around, chances are there are people in your community who have first hand experience with the counselors in your area. They will be able to give you the inside scoop on what it’s like to work with them.
  3. Check your insurance. Your health insurance may cover mental health services.
  4. Interview. This is the most important step. Ask yourself what is important to you. What qualities do you want in a counselor? Should she or he be a person of faith? Do you need a counselor that is trauma informed? Is it important to you that they have similar life experiences? Write down a list of the things you need to ask and take the list with you to your first appointment or phone call.
  5. Evaluate. Once you have completed your first appointment, evaluate your experience and your feelings. Did the therapist feel warm and caring? Did you feel heard and accepted? Do you have more questions you need to ask?
  6. Remember. You are hiring this person. If it’s not a good fit, keep looking.

Self care is never selfish. Taking care of your mind and your heart is as important as caring for your body. When you are in a healthy place emotionally, you will be better able to care for your family.

[reminder]Have you sought out therapy for yourself? How hard was this to do? What did you discover about yourself? [/reminder]

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Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.