How To Provide A Healing Home For Wounded Children

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It’s never easy for a child, who’s been through significant trauma, to step into a home they’re unfamiliar with. Oftentimes, it only deepens their traumatic experience. It might leave you wondering, “Is there any way to provide a healing environment for this child?” The answer is, yes. Here’s why…

You’ve been asking and we listened!  We are thrilled to welcome our good friends, David and Jayne Schooler from Back2Back Ministries, to the show today. They bring valuable insight and in-depth expertise to the discussion. Today we are talking about how to provide a healing home for children who have been deeply wounded.

Listen Now:

Notes and Quotes:

[shareable cite=”Dr. David Schooler”]’We have found that working with traumatized children requires a different set of skills and understanding.’  [/shareable]

“I was a pastor for many years, and…I had many people come to me as their pastor and sharing their needs, concerns, and sufferings with me and I have found repeatedly that what they are suffering from now, as adults, have deep roots in unresolved childhood trauma.  That is why it is so important to deal with the trauma as early as we can, because it will follow us through our lifetime.” – Dr. David Schooler

[shareable cite=”Jayne Schooler”]’We didn’t know what we didn’t know.’  [/shareable]

“Wounded Children” are children who experienced trauma or neglect early in life.  This has affected every part of them.  We have to respond to them in a different way because of their trauma history.  We can think of it as CUTS:






Practical Ways to Provide a Healing Home
  • Examine expectations
  • Move from “Consciously Compassionate” to “Competent Caregivers”
  • Embrace the journey of learning
  • Realize that kids from hard places need a conducive environment and time
  • Consider your own “CUTS” history and emotional health

In a recent survey of Adoptive Moms

77%  reported they live in chronic rage

77% reported feeling isolated from family and friends

50% are on medication

93% have thought about running away

14% have considered suicide

In light of these statistics, what can parents do?
  • Realize that kids from hard places are “depleting people”
  • Find and put into place “resource people” – a circle of support
  • Become TBRI-informed and trained
  • Ask for help
  • Look at the emotional thermostat in your home
What about consequences and discipline?
  • You can’t punish disregulation
  • There are consequences and we can help them come back into calm
  • Don’t respond to misbehavior in a way that creates more separation or causes anger or fear to increase
  • Their behavior is their voice
  • Ask calm questions to find the unmet need
  • They aren’t a bad kid behaving badly, they are a wounded kid speaking from a place of trauma
  • Don’t get caught in the cycle of reacting to the behavior

    “There is a correlation between my connection with my child and my emotional tolerance of their behavior” – Dr. Gordon Newfield

  • Maintain relationship then deal with behavior
Last thoughts for the parent with little hope today

There’s no easy answer but all children can experience some level of healing.  It takes time.  Get resourced.  Find some ways to infuse joy into your life.  We have to make decisions to participate in restorative practices for ourselves.  Realize that we will suffer, but there is a redemptive purpose behind it.

Resources and Links:

Refresh Gatherings for Foster and Adoptive Parents and Families

Oasis Community Online

Road Trip for Foster and Adoptive Dads

Dr. David and Jayne Schooler have been both foster and adoptive parents. Both David and Jayne are recognized nationally and internationally as speakers/trainers in the field of trauma, adoption and foster care.

David holds a Th.D. in pastoral counseling. He has served in the pastoral and counseling ministry for over 40 years. He currently serves as counselor and pastoral care for Back2Back Ministries in Mason, Ohio.  Much of his current focus is on working with adults who have a lifetime impact of early childhood trauma.

Jayne is a national and international trainer in the field of trauma, adoption and foster care. Jayne is the author/co-author of eight books in field of child welfare including: Wounded Children, Healing Homes: How Traumatized Children Impact Adoptive and Foster Parents and, Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past. She holds a Master’s Degree in Life Issues Counseling.


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How To Provide A Healing Home For Wounded Children

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Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

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Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.