How To See Grief As A Gift.

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Loss.  Pain.  Sorrow.  Grief.    These are no strangers to those of us on this adoption and foster care journey.  How do we deal with these losses and all of this pain?  What do we do when our heartache is more than we can bear?  Is it actually possible we could learn to see grief as a gift?


Join us on this episode of The Honestly Adoption Podcast, as Mike and Kristin interview our good friend, and fellow blogger, Natalie Brenner, and how she learned to see grief as a gift.

Listen Now:


Notes and Quotes:

“[The Undeserved Life is] one of the best books I’ve ever read on grief.”  – Mike Berry

In regards to church trauma and loss:

“The story is so woven with so many different losses and the church trauma and firing was the hardest part to write because I wanted to do so with integrity.”

“We don’t talk about it (church trauma), and we have this false notion that it is our job to protect the church…we aren’t doing any favors from hushing trauma and abuse.”

In regards to infertility and miscarriage:

“People don’t know how to respond to these things.”

“When we were walking through that, we took it moment by moment.”

“Grief is so weird because it’s clunky and complex and our miscarriage is what taught me that I can give a voice to my loss even if it is insignificant to other people or to the world.”

“We have permission to grieve the loss of fertility and the brokenness of our bodies.”

In regards to adoption,”virtual twinning,” and having two babies:

“I was very exhausted…I kept thinking lets just try to figure this out.”

“That postpartum depression… I would never have said I was depressed because I was so grateful, but looking back it was hard… but we just made it through each day.”

Three Gifts of Grief:

  • Healing:  We cannot fully heal until we properly tend the wound, so we need to give the loss a voice and a space, and let it run its course.

“Grief is the avenue to healing.”

  • Grace:  Sorrow moves into us when we have tragic losses.  It is a gift of grace to allow ourselves the permission to grieve.  You are never just “over” a loss.

“We can be broken and acknowledge that and it is o.k.”

  • Love:  I’ve learned to love other people better

     “Grief taught me how to love better because it taught me how I felt incredibly unloved.”

What if you feel crushed by grief?

“You have so much permission to grieve.  To feel fully… There is no “right” way.

“It’s ok to be angry.  Give yourself grace to be in that space.”

We are parenting children with immense disorders, tragedy, trauma.  When we grieve over the brokenness, it is good to grieve these things…there is no shame in feeling angry or depressed.  These are natural responses to tragedies.

“The grief and joy are so intertwined.”

Resources and Links:

Natalie is an author, blogger, adoptive and biological mom, and has a new book out which is a number one bestseller on Amazon right now! Pick up your copy of The Undeserved Life as soon as you can!  You can check out Natalie’s blog and photography, as well as her two e-books, Wholeness Despite the Brokenness, and Financing Adoption with Fundraising at or on her instagram account or Facebook page.

To hear past episodes, head over to The Honestly Adoption Podcast and be sure to subscribe to the show so you don’t miss out on any of the great guests we have scheduled and to pick up your free gifts!

[reminder]Are you grieving today? We are here to walk this journey of grief with you. Leave a comment below to let us know how you are grieving and finding joy today.[/reminder]

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How To See Grief As A Gift.

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Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.