If I’m Not The Hero In My Kid’s Story, Who Is?

Author of 5 books, podcaster, parent trainer, husband and father.

Share This Post

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on reddit
Share on email
We often tell foster and adoptive parents that they're not superheroes, and adoption and foster care are not rescue missions. If that's true, what is this journey, and who is the hero?

I used to think it was me. Fifteen years ago when we first began this whole journey I would have told you, it was us. I thought we were on a rescue mission. I thought our entire calling as foster and adoptive parents was to swoop down, grab up as many broken kids as possible, pull them out of the dark situations they were in, and give them a way more awesome life in our home, than they would have had anywhere else.

Boy was I wrong. About a lot of things! Particularly about the reason you become a foster or adoptive parent. You don’t enter the journey to be a superhero, or a rescuer. You enter the journey because you love children and you want to change the world. Sure, you may be “rescuing” a child from a dark situation, but that doesn’t make you a rescuer or this a rescue mission. You’re just doing what human beings should do for other human beings.

So, that begs the question: Who, then, is the hero in my kid’s story?

Rescued, Not Rescuer.

I recently came across a great quote from author and pastor David Platt, when it comes to adoption and foster care. He says, “It’s important to realize that we adopt, not because we are rescuers. No. We adopt because we are the rescued.”

It’s important to realize that we adopt, not because we are rescuers. No. We adopt because we are the rescued. -David Platt.

We are the rescued. Interesting thought, isn’t it? Have you ever considered who you were before your children came into your care, or joined your family? Have you ever gone back in time, in your mind, and surveyed yourself for a moment, before these precious children turned your world upside down? Remember your attitude, your thoughts, your perspective, and your intentions back then? I do. I can say for myself, 15 years ago, that I was not the person I am today. I saw the world through my own eyes, no one else’s. I was a tad bit self-absorbed. I probably wouldn’t have admitted that back then, but it’s certainly true.

What changed for me? Becoming an adoptive parent. Choosing to foster. Choosing to enter the messiness of someone’s life and care. I’m a way more compassionate, caring person today than I was before we began this journey. In fact, I can say honestly, I wasn’t compassionate back then. I wanted what I wanted, end of story. There was no room for anyone else.

Perhaps our children are the ones who have rescued us? Perhaps this journey has been as healing and restorative for us, as parents and adults, as it has been for our children? Perhaps they’re the heroes of their story?

They’re The Hero!

My good friend Matt is also our videographer and podcast editor. He’s phenomenal at both. We work closely together on everything from podcasting, to product launches, to online platform building. He’s not an adoptive or foster parent. But he put a challenge before me the other day, that I haven’t been able to escape. He was giving me critiques over the Season 4 premier of our podcast, Honestly Speaking, something I love to do (really, I do!). We were talking about the flow of our episode and how we needed to do a better job of guiding our audience through the topic. I totally agreed!

But then the conversation shifted to foster parenting and why we do what we do. That’s when he posed the question still ringing in my ear…

“Who’s the hero in your kid’s story?”

I took step back and started to think. “I’ll give you a hint,” Matt continued, “It’s not you!” I stood there in the parking lot of the Starbucks we were meeting at, completely silent. For a writer and public speaker like myself, I’m usually not void of words. And when it comes to foster care and adoption, I’m never void of words. This time, however, I was.  Then he said, “It’s your kids! They’re the hero of their story!” I drove away with my head spinning. In all the years we’ve been on this journey, I’ve never thought about it this way.

But, the truth is, Matt’s right. My children have overcome so much in life. Traumatic pasts I can’t even imagine. Dark memories that will haunt them forever. And yet, they are full of life. They are filled with passion. Not only that, but they’ve changed me. They’ve taught me how to see the world with compassion and love. They’ve rescued me from myself.

I’m not the hero of my kid’s story. I’m just a person who (thankfully) got over myself long enough to follow a calling. My kids are the hero!

How have your kids become the hero in their story, or yours? Share your story (or theirs) with us in the comment section below.

Share This Post

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on reddit
Share on email
Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.