No, You Don’t Have To Live In Isolation Anymore!

Author of 5 books, podcaster, parent trainer, husband and father.

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I know what you want to do, and what feels natural, when all hell breaks loose with your child. But I'm here to tell you, you don't have to do that anymore.

You are not alone.

If I had a dollar for every time those words left my lips and crossed the space between me and the person I was standing in front of? Let’s just say…beach house in Malibu. Or better fitting…1000 acre farm at the foot of a ginormous mountain in rural Montana where my kids could run wild and free, and any outbursts, meltdowns, glass-breaking, dish-smashing tirade, brought on by trauma (or that simmer we always talk about), wouldn’t be heard by a living soul for miles. Foster and adoptive parent: you feeling me on this one? 

I know a few things about you, because they are true about me too. I know that within you, there’s an amazing, beautiful, passion-filled heart that beats deeply for vulnerable children. Your house is filled up and your bank account is empty because of that big heart. No way on earth will there be any children left without a forever home because of you. I know you long to dry every tear your children cry, and heal every wound they’ve sustained.

I also know how that you often feel it’s easier to hide behind a smile, instead of sharing your heartbreak. It’s much easier to make excuses to the neighbors, or your friends at church, about your child’s behavior, than tell the truth. They wouldn’t get it anyway if you explained the reality of your child’s situation. You know that. So, instead of stepping into the light, the shadows are more comfortable and less “on-display.” You’ve grown accustomed to licking your wounds (both emotional and physical) in silence, behind a veil, in the privacy of your own home. Long-sleeves even when it’s warm out are commonplace. Yeah, I get it.

In a world that vastly misunderstands our journey, this is all so much easier than vulnerability.

But it’s isolating. Let’s be real for a second. Standing in your front room watching the neighborhood kids frolic and play the eskimo way after a winter snow storm, while your child can’t be trusted outside of your house for a milli-second, is so dang isolating it’s hard to breathe. Yes you love your child, but you battle feelings of resentment and frustration. Maybe you know all about trauma and so his behavior makes sense. But it doesn’t change the life-tweaking you have to do on a daily basis, just to avoid questions or judgmental glances.

Isolating, isolating, isolating. It’s your prison cell. I know this because it was mine too at one point. Then I discovered 2 very important things…

  1. I don’t owe this world one ounce of an explanation.
  2. I don’t have to exist in this isolation any longer.

Here’s why….

This is my family, my life, and my choice. It’s my heart and calling that led me into this journey, and I love these precious children, trauma and all. I was called to do this and that’s nobody else’s business on the face of God’s green earth but mine. My child may react in certain ways, to certain things, at certain moments because of a place of fear living inside of him that he can’t even articulate. I don’t owe anyone an explanation because it’s not their child and it’s not their journey. That may sound harsh but I must say this, because often times we feel that we need to explain away our child’s behavior or M.O. We don’t.

I can now step into the light. I can allow the warmth of the sunlight to shine on my wounds. I don’t have to live in isolation anymore. Not because the world is suddenly an understanding place, or friends at church, or in the neighborhood, are suddenly less judgmental. They’re not. In fact, it’s the opposite. The older my children become, the more judgement seems to come my way. No, I can step into the light because I’ve discovered just how not alone I am on this journey. The foster and adoptive community is one of the fastest growing communities on earth. More than 100,000 of you show up here to our blog, and Facebook page, every month from 19 different countries around the globe. Over the past 2 months, we’ve spent time with 4000 of you across the U.S. at different events for foster and adoptive parents.

I was always terrible at math in school, growing up, but if it serves me correctly here, that’s what we would call a lot of people who are on the same journey as you and me. Same passion, same love, same fear, same wounds, same feelings of isolation. My friends, do you know what this means? We. Are. Not. Alone! The only isolation we live in, is the isolation we choose. We are now without excuse. I can’t claim isolation as my default anymore when the walls are crumbling, my child is out of control, and the fires of hell seem to be lapping at my feet.

The only isolation we live in, is the isolation we choose.

You can’t either. Step into the light. As you do, you will begin to see others on the journey who are just like you. You will begin to hear voices sharing the same pain that you deal with. I don’t know about you, but this fills me with hope. It gives me the strength I need to step into another day. Not because my problems are suddenly gone, but because I don’t have to face them on my own. There’s something oddly healing about that.

My friends, we are passionate about this truth. We believe you are not alone, and there’s a way through your isolation, so much so, that we’re on the threshold of launching a brand new online community dedicated to helping you step into the light. It’s called Oasis Community. It exists for one reason: to bring support and replenishment to you on the journey through real-time support and on-going in-depth resources. And it’s completely online. So you really won’t have an excuse to stay in your isolation any longer. If you have an internet connection, you can find the support you need.

Yes, it’s time to step into the light. No, you don’t have to live in your isolation any longer. We are here for you, and you can bet, we are cheering for you. So, what’s stopping you?

Have you felt isolated on this journey? Share your story with us in the comment section below.


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Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.