One Of The Biggest Lies We Believe!

Author of 5 books, podcaster, parent trainer, husband and father.

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It's one of the biggest lies we believe as husbands, wives, and parents. I've believed it, you've believed it, and chances are, because life claws at us deeply at times, we'll believe it again!

It’s the lie that our family will wait for us.

While we spend all of our time at work, or investing in a hobby, or making other people our priority, or doing everything else in this world but pour into them, we believe this falsehood that they’ll live life in a holding pattern, waiting for us to pay attention and engage with them.

Where do we get this idea? Are we that arrogant that we honestly believe other human beings will plan their entire lives around us but we won’t do that for them? How often have I stared at my phone or computer, studying intently the emails or text messages from a person I barely know, while my children are playing around me, or trying to tell me about their day? Many!

They’re not going to stop playing and just wait for me to listen. They’re going to find someone else to tell the story of their day to.

Here’s the cold reality I’ve come to personally with this- your children, and mine, will probably always love us, but they won’t always wait for us. In their hearts they will always have a place for you and I, but they will have to go on with their lives if we won’t participate. Our spouses may stay married to us, and keep a ring on their finger, but they might not always wait for us while we focus on everything else but them.

I don’t know why it is but we get into this mode, at times, where we treat our spouses and kids like they’re sub-human.

As if they have nothing better to do but sit around and wait for us to get our act together before they start living their lives. Or, as if they’re sheep who blindly follow us when we decide to start moving! That’s not what they are. They are human beings, chalked full of creativity, and joy, and fun, and adventure. They have lives to live too!

It’s up to us whether or not we will join them. But they won’t wait forever.


In the summer of 2005 I spent 6 full weeks away from home, traveling with the student ministry I led at the time. The trips I took students on were great. I saw many lives changed. I felt alive and filled up knowing that I was a part of something monumental in the lives of teenagers. But when I arrived home I realized how much I had missed with my family. That was painful.

There were even a few times where my kids tried to tell me about something fun they did, and they wound up saying, “You just had to be there to understand dad!”

But I wasn’t there. I had missed it. Sure I was doing the job that I felt called to do, but I was doing too much of it. Something had to change, and it did. I vowed never again to be gone for more than 2 weeks in the summer. I connected with the reality that my family was living life and I was missing it. They were no longer waiting for me to join them.


If this post resonates with you and you feel uneasy, or if you’ve been guilty like I have, of believing this all-to-common lie that we are told, here’s what you need to do-

Intentionally engage in the fight for your family. Engage in the beautiful life you’ve been blessed to live with them. You can start today! It’s a choice that you have to make though. No one, including your spouse or your children, can make it for you. Stop spending all of your time and investment on other people. Find the balance. Your future depends on this.

The tragedy is that when we live all of our lives for other people, and constantly put our family in second or third place, we will wake up one day and realize that we know them by name and association, but we knowing nothing about them.

I plead with you: don’t make that mistake!

Have you bought into this lie? Share your story with us.

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Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.