The Biggest Fears Of Husbands And Fathers.

Author of 5 books, podcaster, parent trainer, husband and father.

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As a father and husband, I have fears. At times, it seems as though the fear I wrestle with is crippling. I fear failing my children. I fear failing my wife. I fear my weaknesses being exposed. But I've discovered something along the way, as I wrestle with this ongoing battle: Admitting the fears I have, and facing them head on, brings about the strength I need to make it through each day.

I remember a sense of relief sweeping over me as I turned each page. It was the dead of winter, 2011, and I couldn’t put the book down. It was as if the author was speaking directly to me. The author was John Eldredge and the book was Wild At Heart.

While I can’t remember the specific title of the chapter, I remember clearly what he was talking about- the fear of being found out. Being exposed as a big fat poser. Suddenly finding yourself standing in the midst of everyone you hold dear to your heart and knowing that they know who you really are.

It’s a fear that nearly every man has. It’s a fear that cuts our hearts as husbands and fathers. It’s a fear that I have fought with tooth and nail over the past 18 years. If you’re a man and you’re nodding in agreement right now, you’re in good company.

Personally I am there with you. I have some big fears. Sometimes they are all-consuming. Sometimes, they cloud my mind and interrupt my day. Here are some of the biggest:

The fear of failure.

This really is the biggest fear every man faces, especially if he has a family that depends on him. I’m attacked by this fear nearly every day I’m alive. I don’t want to fail my wife and kids and I take it pretty hard when I feel that I have. It is wired into our DNA as men to want to succeed. We’re not driven to succeed by chance. It’s in our make-up. And it’s also in our make-up to feel devastation when we fail.

The fear of fraud.

I fear being exposed as a fraud. I bet you do too. As men, when our thoughts betray us, or our attitudes are unbecoming, or we’re short-tempered, we’re afraid that those who depend on us, or look to us for guidance, will discover that we are fake. Every time I lose my temper in front of my children this fear pounces on me.

The fear of forgotten.

This is the fear that one day our children won’t call us or want to hang out with us anymore. It’s a fear that our wives will get tired of our insecurities and want something better. It’s the fear that one day we will stand alone in our house and wish we could go back in time to the happy moments of the pictures in our hallways and choose to do things differently.

The fear of loss.

You and I fear losing everything. We fear making one bad choice that throws it all away.

The fear of nothingness.

We work hard. We work for our families. We want the best for our children. We fear waking up one day and having nothing to show for our lives. We fear looking at our children and having nothing to offer them anymore. We fear spending all of our time on meaningless things that we have nothing to give to our wives.

This is heavy. Fear is real.

My goal is honesty and openness with this post. When you discover that others deal with the same struggles you do, there’s healing. But there’s also hope. The biggest question I wrestled with a few years ago was “How?” How do I overcome the fears I have. How do I move past them?

For me personally, the answer has come through trusting that my Heavenly Father is holding my every moment. That He holds my life and that He is in control. Believing this has brought about an immeasurable sense of peace and courage to keep moving.

Fear is a natural part of life. In fact, in this life, we will never be without fear because we are human. But a lot of what we fear is the substance of our own making. A lot of what I fear is really in my imagination. I’ve conjured it up. It’s not real. I don’t have to fear being exposed if I’m living an authentic life built on forgiveness and integrity. If I’m investing the majority of my life in my wife and children, I never have to fear being forgotten or having nothing.

We overcome our fears when we choose to live in-spite of them. Facing something you’re afraid of and putting your focus on success instead of failure helps you to overcome. It’s helped me. When I intentionally choose to do this, I find success. Letting our pride and ego go, and choosing humility also goes a long way. This is a constant fight for me because it is so counter-culture to what our world pushes us to do as men.

But, it’s the very thing our families need the most. They need us, as their husbands and fathers, to be fully engaged in their lives and to fight for them. When this becomes top priority, we will find the strength to defeat our fears, and the courage we need to lead the people we love the most.

As a man, or husband, or father, what are some of your fears? How are you overcoming them?

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Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.