What Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

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Woo Hoo! Fall 2017 enrollment is open now at Oasis Community!  In celebration, we are excited to share another one of our favorite Oasis “Backstage Pass” interviews from this past year.

An adoptee herself, Sherrie Eldridge has a passion for helping adoptive parents understand, and respond empathetically to, the unique emotional needs of their children.  You will be encouraged as Sherrie shares her story with Mike, and reflects on the journey she has taken to get where she is today.

Listen Now:


Notes and Quotes:

“I was a real challenge to my parents.  I struggled with school…I had attachment disorder…I had a lot of anger toward my mom…much more anger than my friends did…my mother called me a “wild child”…I was a little bit hard to regulate.”

What would you want adoptive parents to know?

“I suffered a profound loss and you can’t fix me.”

It is like a smoke alarm going off in your child’s head.  This “smoke alarm” is from the loss and trauma.  Parents can help their children learn to turn off this smoke alarm and free themselves from the shame and grief.

Trauma Triggers
  • rejection complex
  • loss
  • unregulated emotions
  • grief/sadness
  • hypervigilance
  • shame based identity “I am a mistake.”
  • embarrasment
  • addictions
  • searching for a face that looks like mine
  • feeling powerless

[shareable cite=”Sherrie Eldridge”]The trauma and the pain we experience in life is an opportunity to grow.[/shareable]

Four Simple Steps to Work Through Loss and Experience Growth
  1. Name the emotion or behavior – “I see that you feel …”
  2. Validate it (no matter how crazy it seems) – “I can see that is…”
  3. Give regulating words – “Something painful happened…”
  4. Bring them to the present – “But now…”

“Being with fellow adoptees is better than years of therapy.”

It is important for adoptive parents to find community as well and to take care of themselves.

This is a life-long journey.

Adoptees have “emotional vulnerabilities.”  Parents need to speak the truth, study their children, learn their special needs, talk with their child about these things.  This will build trust and help your child know you are their number one cheerleader.

“God is Sovereign and He knows every single day of your life and your child’s life, before they ever came to be.  Your child’s life is not a mistake.  The adoption is not a mistake.  Press on! God sees. God knows. He is right there beside you, and He will give you exactly what you need.” -Sherrie Eldridge

Resources and Links:

Sherrie Eldridge is an international speaker and established author within the adoptive community.  In 2010, she was named as Indiana’s Congressional Angel of Adoption. Sherrie is the author of several books, including the best-selling, “Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish their Adoptive Parents Knew.” These books, as well as her blog and other resources, can be found at sherrieeldridge.com or on Amazon.

If you loved this interview, you can have access to all of our past, and future, monthly “Backstage Pass” interviews by joining Oasis Community. Enrollment is open now!  We’re giving our Honestly Adoption Podcast listeners special access for just $5 (first month enrollment). Click on over to the Honestly Adoption Podcast Resource Page for details on how to take advantage of this offer!

Also, mentioned in this interview, check out this post from Mike Berry, “3 Reasons why Traditional Parenting Doesn’t Work with Kids from Trauma.”

[reminder]Got any questions for us about the topic of this show, or Oasis Community? Leave them in the comment section below this post. [/reminder]

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What Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

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Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.