When Everything Falls Apart!

Author of 5 books, podcaster, parent trainer, husband and father.

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Let's face it- life is extremely hard. The days filled with light and promise are sometimes few and far between. We understand this reality because we've experienced it first-hand in our family. But we're also learning a valuable lesson about hope and the power of community!

It took our breath away. The news was more shocking than a ice-cold shower on a blazing hot day in the summer. In a moment everything seemed to change for our family. The near perfect world we thought we were living in looked more like a war-torn city than a place of promise and hope.

Have you ever had someone tell you something that had the sudden impact of someone walking up to you, out of the blue, and punching you in the stomach as hard as they could? That was how this felt. It was utter and complete devastation.

If this hits home with you, and you feel as though I’m describing something you or your family have gone through, I want you to know something- I know. I understand. I’m there in the dark and muddy trenches with you. I understand the desperate and hopeless feeling you have in the pit of your stomach. I feel the same paralysis you do, as if you don’t know what to do next or how to move forward.

We understand what it feels like to receive devastating news.

We understand what it feels like to have your child’s school call you with frustrating news about their awful behavior.

We understand what it feels like to want to crawl under a rock and hide from the world when your child throws an embarrassing tantrum in a public place like the grocery store or your church.

We know the desperate and hopeless feeling of watching your child make a choice that you are powerless to stop them from making.

We know the anger of having other people make decisions for your family as if they know what’s best for you and your children.

We get the pain of watching everything you’ve worked so hard and long for, fall apart before your very eyes.

We know because we’ve been there. We know because we’re there now! We know what it feels like to wake up on Monday with your life completely together, and then on a Tuesday, watch it all crumble like a building that’s been imploded.

When everything falls apart here’s what you and I need to do…


Take a day or two and lament. Allow yourself to hurt. Hurt for your child’s broken heart. Grieve over the poor decision they made that was out of your control. Lament over the reality that your entire life is about to change. As human beings we don’t allow ourselves to feel real emotions enough.

Cry on someone’s shoulder.

Parenting, especially, was never meant to be a solo deal. You need others to help you along. You and I must surround ourselves with people who are in the same battle as we are. When everything falls apart, find them, tell them, and then cry on their shoulder.

Grasp the reality of your situation. 

If we ever want to move forward and find a brighter day, you and I must grasp the reality we are now living in. The alternative would be denial and that only deepens the wound and causes more destruction. It is only in reality that we can function as complete human beings, the way were meant to live.

Understand that you’re not alone!

You are are NOT alone. Did you hear me? You’re NOT alone! If everything around you is falling apart, please know that in a 7 billion person-populated planet, you are not alone. There are others limping the same way you are. There are others with the same wounds. Sometimes there’s more healing in hearing and saying those words than you could ever find through a seminar, self-help book, or talk show.

When my wife and I received some punch-in-the-gut news, recently, we found hope in those words. In 2011 when we miscarried, those were the words that got me out of bed the next day. When my son’s behavior spiraled out of control a few years back, and we were forced to make some gut-wrenching decisions about his future, “you’re not alone” gave us strength to face the day.

Yes there will be moments in life when everything falls apart. I say this because, well, that’s the reality of life as a human being. That’s the reality of being a parent, a spouse, a friend, a brother, a sister, a son or a daughter. But, there is hope. And, you are not alone.

Are you going through something in your family, or in your life, that has left you feeling hopeless?

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Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.