When You Say One More, But Your Kids Say No More

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We know you because we are you. Your heart is bursting for vulnerable children worldwide. In fact, if you could, you would bring every child without a forever home into yours. But what do you do when your children who are already a permanent part of your home are saying, "No more"?

We’ve been conversating this one for a while now. Our last adoption happened 5 years ago. And due to a couple of our kid’s trauma issues, and the trauma that our last adoption brought to our family (in short…we had to all move to a far away land for 4 months…which resulted in another move upon our return), we have 1 kid that absolutely…


We ask in serious ways. We ask in funny ways. We ask in persuasive ways. He’s of an age where he should start being able to think on his own. And so he is. And he’s not having it. None of it.

It’s a problem many have. Sometimes it’s a spouse. Sometimes it’s a kid. In our case, it’s our oldest kid.

So do we or don’t we do what our child wishes?

Here’s my answer:


We could debate this for a while. We all have our opinions. But no family is equal. Not one.

So here’s some facts and thoughts I’m working through in my head:

  1. There are still 147 million orphans in this world.
  2. My child is a child and does not rule our family.
  3. My child who says no needs a voice and should have a role to play in the decision.

But now it seems we’re right back where we started. And that’s not helpful at all!!

But here’s one more thing I know:


It was a process for my husband when I thought it was the grandest idea ever to start our family through adoption. He led with an emphatic “NO WAY!” back when. But….we now have 4 through adoption. And he gladly said yes to all of them. But it was a process for him.

It was a process for our families to embrace the idea of having grandchildren through adoption and not the biological means. They initially led with a lot of head scratching. But now, they dearly love and treasure all 4 with no biology attachment whatsoever. It was a process for them.

It was a process for me. Growing up, my best friend was adopted. I had tons of people in my young adult years that were adopting around me. It was inspiring and became normal to me. But later after we adopted our first, and had….to be very mild and general….some bumps in the road….I had thoughts of NEVER doing that again. And yet, I did. 3 more times. It’s been something I’ve been processing my whole life.

So how can I expect it to not be something my kids need time to process?

Although life is short, and there are so many children in need, I’m learning the importance of the process. I don’t know how long it will take for him to be excited about another sibling. He might not ever. I’m definitely thinking right now it’s going to be a never. But if we proceed with or even WITHOUT his blessing, it will still be a process for EVERYONE when we add another child to our tribe. And keeping perspective and connection with all involved is healthy and necessary for the process to work its way through our lives.

Have you been working through this in your home? Share your story with us in the comment area below.

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Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.