Why We Need Each Other On The Adoptive Journey

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Community is so unbelievably important to achieving health and success with your kiddos on this journey. Even if the journey is easier for some and harder for others. We're all in this together and we need one another.

Have you ever met an adoptive family that seems to have it easy? Like not only was their process smooth, but their kid just hasn’t seemed to skip a beat. No health issues. No physical issues. No mental health issues. No IEPs. No developmental delays. No sibling rivalry issues. No letters for a diagnosis the majority of the world doesn’t understand issues. No phone calls from school issues. No law enforcement issues. And no holes-in-your-walls issues.

And this may not even be a child adopted from birth. They adopted a child that came home from a far away country, speaking zero English and are already in the third grade. AND that kid was placed smack dab between two biological kids. And everyone gets along just peachy king. That kind of not skipping a beat.

What I’ve seen happen is that we often walk away from one another. The adoptive family that seems to have it easy walks away from the adoptive community thinking they must not need it, and the adoptive community that has it much harder isolates the adoptive family that seems to have it so easy. It’s as if we don’t want each other in our circle. Speaking as one who has had it a bit harder and seeing those that don’t, sometimes I feel like it must be all my fault the way my kids are.

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Here’s what I want to say…

We need each other on this journey. We need the always-have-a-horror-story-adoptive-family in our circle, and we need the Hallmark adoptive families in our circle. And we need the families who experience everything in between in our circle. Here are 6 reasons why:

  1. We need the easy adoptive families in our community to remind us why we did this hard thing in the first place. There is hope and there is good that does happen in adoption.
  2. We need the have it easy adoptive family in our community because although there are aspects they don’t get about our journey, there are ones they do. Like the process. The wait. The travel. The joy. The love we have for our kids.
  3. We need the easy adoptive family in our community so that we can continue championing adoption. Many of us just can’t muster up the courage to tell someone at this point in our journey that it is a good idea. Because from our current view, it wasn’t. So we need someone else’s view.
  4. We need the easy adoptive family in our community to get us through the pain. If families are healthy, they need to be helping those that aren’t.
  5. The family that seems to have it easy needs those that don’t because they might just be missing a piece to the puzzle even if they don’t see it. It’s hard to see a need if you are not aware of all the cause and effects that happen in development.
  6. And the easy adoptive family needs those who have had it much harder because life is constantly changing. It may be easy at a certain stage in life. But children grow and mature and have new experiences and those experiences will always be filtered through their lens that they were adopted. They may suddenly be triggered about the life they left behind. It could be processed in a healthy way, but it also could not. If things suddenly get hard for someone who has had it seemingly easy, they need those who have already walked through hard to get them through it. We need each other. We must not walk away from each other thinking we can’t relate.

We need to be reminded that we started out on the same path and for the same reasons. And that was so that a child could have a family. And we did it. Both kinds of families braved the new waters of adoption and brought a child home that we love and would go to the ends of the earth for. That unites us. Let’s continue championing adoption together.

Have you found community on this journey? How has this helped you? Share with us in the comment section below.

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Mike and Kristin Berry are the Co-Founders of The Honestly Adoption Company and have been parents for nearly two decades. They are the authors of six books, and the host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.

Sarah Gray

Sarah Gray is the executive assistant to Mike and Kristin Berry. And she is the best in the land. In addition to providing a warm and friendly response to the many emails our company receives on a weekly basis, she also manages Mike and Kristin’s speaking and meeting schedules, and makes sure that team events go off without a hitch.

Nicole Goerges

Nicole Goerges is a Content Contributor & Special Consultant for The Honestly Adoption Company. She works with Mike and Kristin as a recurring co-host for the Honestly Adoption Podcast, and co-host of Kitchen Table Talks, exclusive video content for Oasis Community, along with Kristin. She is a fellow adoptive mom, and former foster parent.

Matt McCarrick

Matt McCarrick is the Content Production Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. If you’ve loved listening to our podcast, or enjoyed any of the videos trainings we’ve published, you have Matt to thank. He oversees all of our content production, from video edits, to making sure the tags are correct on YouTube, to uploading new videos to Oasis, to hitting publish on a podcast episode, he’s a content wonder!

Karen Anderson

Karen Anderson is the Community Engagement Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends the bulk of her time interacting with, and helping, people through our various social media channels, as well as providing support for Oasis Community members through chat support or Zoom calls. In the same spirit as Beaver, Karen is also passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and supported. Karen is also an FASD trainer and travels often, equipping and encouraging parents.

Beaver Trumble

Beaver Trumble is the Customer Care Specialist for The Honestly Adoption Company. Chances are, if you have been in need of technical support, or forgotten your password to one of our courses, you have interacted with Beaver. He is an absolute pro at customer care. In fact, he single-handedly revolutionized our customer care department last year. Beaver is passionate about connecting with parents and making them feel loved and encouraged.

Kristin Berry

Kristin Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Content Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. She spends most of her time researching and connecting with guests for our podcast, as well as direction, designing and publishing a lot of the content for our social media channels, blog and podcast. She loves to connect with fellow parents around the world, and share the message of hope with them.

Mike Berry

Mike Berry is the co-founder of, and Chief Marketing Specialist for, The Honestly Adoption Company. He spends the bulk of his time and energy designing and building many of the resources you see within our company, as well as social media and email campaigns. His goal is to use media as a means to encourage and equip parents around the world. He is also the co-host of The Honestly Adoption Podcast.